Newborn Sleep: What I Wish Every Parent Knew Before Their Baby Arrived
Understanding newborn sleep, sleepy cues and how to support your baby with confidence
There are so many things we prepare for before our baby arrives.
We buy the clothes, organise the nursery, choose the pram and make sure we have everything we think our newborn might need.
But newborn sleep is one of those things I really wish someone had explained to me before I had my first baby.
Because newborn sleep can look completely different from what we expect.
Your baby might grunt, squeak, move their arms, pull faces, open their eyes or even make a little cry while they are still asleep.
And if you don't know this, it can be very easy to think your baby has woken up when actually, they're still sleeping.
The good news? Once you understand what newborn sleep actually looks like, so much of it suddenly makes sense.
In this guide, I'll explain what newborn sleep can look like, how to recognise sleepy cues and why you don't need to be afraid of comforting your baby to sleep.
What Does Newborn Sleep Actually Look Like?
Newborn sleep is very different from the sleep we're used to seeing in older children or adults.
There are several things you may notice when your newborn is sleeping:
✓ Moving their arms or legs
✓ Grunting or squeaking
✓ Making little cries
✓ Pulling different facial expressions
✓ Opening their eyes briefly
✓ Moving their eyes underneath their eyelids
✓ Making surprisingly loud noises
Your baby can look completely awake when they are actually still asleep.
This is because newborns spend a lot of time in active sleep, which can look much more active than the sleep we might expect.
Your baby can look awake without actually being awake.
1. Should I Pick My Baby Up When They Make a Noise?
This is something I really wish I had known before having my first baby.
I remember looking at my baby and wondering:
Is he actually awake?
Why are his eyes open?
Why is he making that noise?
Should I pick him up?
Should I leave him?
Is he hungry?
Is something wrong?
And sometimes, I was actually waking him up.
He was sleeping.
He was just doing newborn sleep.
When your baby makes a noise, it can be helpful to pause for a moment before immediately picking them up.
Listen.
Watch.
Observe.
Sometimes they will settle and go back to sleep without needing anything from you.
What you can do
✔ Pause when your baby makes a noise.
✔ Watch to see whether they are actually awake.
✔ Notice your baby's individual sleep sounds and movements.
✔ Give them a few moments to show you what they need.
✔ If crying continues or starts to escalate, respond and comfort them.
This isn't about ignoring your baby or leaving a distressed baby to cry.
It is about learning the difference between a baby who is genuinely asking for you and a baby who is simply making normal newborn sleep noises.
2. How Can I Tell If My Baby Is Actually Awake?
The more you observe your baby, the more you begin to understand them.
You may start to recognise their individual patterns.
You might realise:
“Oh, that's just his sleep noise.”
“That is the little grunt he makes when he's moving between sleep cycles.”
“His eyes are open, but he's actually still asleep.”
This kind of observation can make you feel much more confident.
Instead of feeling that you need to react to every single sound, you begin to understand what your baby is communicating.
And sometimes, the best thing you can do is nothing.
Not because your baby doesn't need you.
But because sometimes your baby is already sleeping.
Pause. Listen. Observe. Then respond to what your baby is actually showing you.
3. How Long Should My Newborn Stay Awake?
Another thing I wish I had known is that newborns actually need a lot of sleep.
They are not designed to stay happily awake for hours.
Their periods of wakefulness are often very short.
Your newborn may feed, have a little cuddle, have their nappy changed and then already be ready to sleep again.
It can be tempting to think that because they've only been awake for thirty minutes, they should stay awake a little longer.
But keeping a newborn awake for too long can very quickly lead to overtiredness.
And an overtired newborn can be much harder to settle.
They may become fussy.
They may cry.
They may seem like they don't want to sleep.
And you can end up thinking: “My baby doesn't sleep.”
When actually, your baby may simply be exhausted.
4. What Are the Early Signs That My Newborn Is Tired?
Learning to recognise your baby's early sleepy cues can make such a difference.
You don't necessarily need to wait until your baby is crying before helping them towards sleep.
Your baby may show you that they are tired by:
✓ Staring into space
✓ Becoming less engaged
✓ Stopping looking at you
✓ Moving more slowly
✓ Yawning
✓ Starting to fuss
These early signs can be your window.
Once you start noticing them, you can begin helping your baby towards sleep before they become completely overtired.
What you can do
✔ Watch your baby's behaviour rather than focusing only on the clock.
✔ Look for changes in their movements and engagement.
✔ Start settling when you notice early sleepy cues.
✔ Don't feel that your baby needs to stay awake for a certain amount of time.
✔ Remember that newborn wake periods can be very short.
5. Should I Rock or Feed My Newborn to Sleep?
This is one of the areas where new parents can receive a lot of pressure.
You may hear:
“Don't rock your baby to sleep.”
“Don't feed your baby to sleep.”
“Don't hold your baby to sleep.”
“You'll create a bad habit.”
But your baby is a newborn.
They have just spent months inside your body, surrounded by warmth, constantly moving and listening to your heartbeat.
They have been fed continuously through the placenta.
And suddenly, they are in this enormous new world.
So if your baby needs help falling asleep, help them.
Rock them.
Shush them.
Feed them.
Cuddle them.
Hold them.
There is nothing wrong with helping a newborn regulate.
In fact, that's what we are there for.
Your newborn is not supposed to know how to do everything independently from day one.
6. Am I Creating Bad Habits If I Help My Baby Sleep?
I think this is one of the biggest worries new parents can have.
There can be so much pressure to teach a baby to sleep independently from the very beginning.
But there is a middle ground.
Your baby needs connection.
Your baby needs to feel safe.
Your baby needs to be held, comforted and responded to.
But that doesn't mean you have to hold your baby every second of every day.
And it doesn't mean that putting your baby down in their cot means you are disconnecting from them.
If your baby sometimes falls asleep with less assistance, that's great.
If they sometimes fall asleep in your arms, that's okay too.
The important thing is learning to understand what your baby needs in that moment rather than feeling that you have to follow one strict approach every time.
Newborn Sleep Doesn't Have to Be Perfect
One of the biggest pressures new parents can feel is the idea that their baby should be sleeping a certain way.
But newborn sleep is not always predictable.
Your baby may sleep for a short period.
They may wake to feed.
They may make lots of noises.
They may need your help to settle.
They may sometimes fall asleep independently and other times need to be held.
None of this means you are doing something wrong.
Newborns are still developing their sleep patterns, and learning to understand their sleep can take time.
Rather than worrying about whether you are creating habits, focus on getting to know your baby.
Observe them.
Learn their sounds.
Notice their sleepy cues.
And respond when they genuinely need you.
You don't have to choose between connection and independence.
There is room for both.
You're Not Doing Anything Wrong
If your newborn needs to be held, rocked, fed or cuddled to sleep, it doesn't mean you've created a bad habit.
And if your baby sometimes settles with less help, that doesn't mean you need to stop offering comfort.
Newborn sleep is a learning process for both of you.
The more you observe your baby, the more you begin to understand their individual way of communicating.
You start to recognise their sleep noises.
You notice their early sleepy cues.
You learn when they need you and when they are simply moving through another phase of sleep.
And that understanding can take away so much of the pressure.
You don't need to have everything figured out from day one.
You just need to start getting to know your baby.
Need Gentle Support Preparing for Your Baby?
If you're expecting a baby and feeling overwhelmed by everything you've heard about newborn sleep, I'd love to support you.
Understanding newborn sleep before your baby arrives can help you feel more confident and prepared for those early weeks.
Every baby is different, and sometimes the most helpful thing is simply having someone explain what is normal, what to expect and how you can respond to your baby's individual needs.
✨ Join my free Birth & Baby Masterclass, where I'll talk you through birth preparation, newborn life and those important first days with your baby.
With love,
Anna
Doula · Lactation Consultant · Gentle Sleep Coach
Supporting Expat Families in Spain
