Birth Preferences: How Do I Choose What Kind of Birth I Want?
Understanding birth preferences, pain relief and how to prepare for birth while leaving room for the unexpected
When you’re pregnant, one of the questions you may start asking yourself is: What kind of birth do I want?
Maybe you already have a clear idea. Perhaps you imagine having a natural birth, using water during labour and having as little intervention as possible. Maybe you already know that you would like an epidural. Or perhaps you honestly have no idea yet.
And that’s completely okay.
One of the strange things about preparing for birth is that we’re often expected to make decisions about an experience we have never had before. You don’t know what contractions will feel like, how long labour will last, how tired you’ll be or how you’ll feel emotionally when the moment arrives.
This is why I prefer talking about birth preferences rather than thinking of a birth plan as a fixed script. You can learn about your options and think about what matters to you while still leaving room for birth to unfold differently from what you imagined.
What Are Birth Preferences and Why Do They Matter?
Your birth preferences are simply the things that matter to you when you think about how you would ideally like to experience labour and birth.
They might include your preferences around movement, pain relief, water, who supports you, how information is communicated to you and how involved you would like to be in decisions about your care.
For example, you might prefer to move freely during labour, use breathing and relaxation techniques, have access to a shower or birth pool and try other comfort measures before considering pain relief. Or you might already feel that having an epidural available would make you feel calmer and more comfortable.
There is no single correct set of birth preferences. What feels empowering to one woman may not feel right for another, and your preferences can also change as you learn more about birth.
What matters is that you understand your options and feel able to make decisions that are right for you.
Your birth preferences are not a contract. They are a guide.
How Do I Choose My Birth Preferences?
If you’re not sure what you want, you don’t have to force yourself to decide everything right away. Instead, start by thinking about what matters most to you.
Do you want to feel informed and involved in decisions? Would you like to understand what is happening before agreeing to an intervention? Is being able to move during labour important to you? Would you like to use water if it is available? Do you think you might want pain relief? How would you like your partner to support you?
These questions can help you think about your birth preferences without feeling that you need to predict exactly what will happen.
A few questions you can ask yourself:
What would help me feel safe during labour?
What kind of support would I like from my partner?
How do I feel about different forms of pain relief?
What would I like my healthcare team to explain to me?
What matters most to me during birth?
It can also be useful to talk about these preferences with your partner and your healthcare team before labour begins. The more clearly you understand what is important to you, the easier it can be to communicate those preferences when the time comes.
But remember that you are allowed to change your mind.
What If I Want a Natural Birth?
Maybe you have always imagined yourself having a natural birth. Perhaps you have grown up hearing stories from your mother, grandmother, sisters or other women in your family who gave birth without pain relief.
Those stories can give you confidence and help you believe in what your body can do.
If that is what you want, you can prepare for it. Learning about how labour works, practising breathing, exploring different positions and understanding how your partner can support you can all help you feel more prepared.
You can also find out what your maternity unit offers. For example, some hospitals in Barcelona offer water immersion during labour in certain circumstances.
Preparing for a natural birth also does not mean promising yourself that you will never use pain relief. You can have a preference while remaining open to other options if you need them.
You can prepare for the birth you hope for while still leaving room for the birth you experience.
What If I Want an Epidural?
Maybe you are listening to this and thinking, “Actually, I want an epidural.”
That is completely okay too.
There is no prize for suffering, and choosing pain relief does not mean that you have not prepared properly. You can have a positive and empowering birth with an epidural, just as you can have a positive and empowering birth without one.
You may also change your mind. You might begin labour certain that you do not want an epidural and, after several hours of contractions, decide that it is what you need. Or you might think you definitely want one and later realise that you are coping well without it.
Both are okay.
What matters is understanding your options and feeling confident enough to make the decision that feels right for you in that moment.
How Can My Partner Support My Birth Preferences?
Birth preparation is not only about preparing the person giving birth. Your partner can also prepare by understanding what matters to you and thinking about how they can support you during labour.
They do not need to become an expert in birth. They can support your breathing, offer massage or touch, help you change positions, create a calm environment and stay close to you when things feel intense. They can also help advocate for you if you are tired and don’t feel like asking questions yourself.
It can be helpful to talk about these things before labour begins. If you know that touch helps you feel safe, tell your partner. If you prefer quiet when you are concentrating, talk about that too. If you would like them to remind you to breathe or help you communicate your preferences, make that part of your preparation.
Sometimes the most powerful support is simply having someone beside you who can say:
“I’m here. You’re safe. We’re doing this together.”
What Should I Actually Prepare for Birth?
Preparing for birth does not mean trying to predict exactly what will happen. It means understanding enough about the process that you can make informed decisions as things unfold.
You can learn about the different stages of labour, pain relief options, what your hospital offers, different positions, breathing and relaxation techniques, how your partner can support you and what questions you can ask if circumstances change.
Before your baby arrives, it can be helpful to understand:
The different stages of labour
Your pain relief options
What your hospital offers
Different positions and comfort measures
How your partner can support you
What questions you may want to ask during labour
This is where antenatal education can be particularly valuable. There is so much information available through Google, Instagram, books, family, friends, doctors and midwives that sometimes having more information simply leaves you with more questions.
The goal of preparation is not to know everything. It is to build a foundation that helps you understand your choices and feel more confident when you need to make decisions.
You can’t control birth, but you can prepare yourself for it.
What Happens If My Birth Doesn’t Go According to Plan?
This is one of the most important parts of preparing for birth because even when you have thought carefully about your preferences, birth can still surprise you.
You might prepare for a vaginal birth and eventually need a caesarean. You might plan to have a natural labour and decide that you want an epidural. You might imagine a long labour and have your baby very quickly. You might think you will love using a birth pool and then discover that being in water is not comfortable for you at all.
None of these things mean that you have failed.
Birth is not an exam, and there is no grade at the end. You have not failed because you needed pain relief, required an intervention or your birth unfolded differently from what you imagined.
Your birth does not determine what kind of mother you are.
Can Hypnobirthing Help Me Prepare for Birth?
Preparing your mind can also be an important part of birth preparation.
Hypnobirthing does not guarantee a painless birth, and it does not mean that you have to promise yourself you will never use pain relief. Instead, techniques such as breathing, relaxation and mindfulness can help you work with your thoughts, expectations and sensations during labour.
Understanding the physiology of birth can also make the experience feel less unfamiliar. When you understand what your body is doing and practise ways of staying present and relaxing, you may feel better equipped to cope with the intensity of labour.
The goal is not to promise yourself that you will have a particular kind of birth. It is to give yourself tools that can help you cope with whatever comes.
What If I’m Having My Baby in Spain?
If you are having your baby in Spain, birth preparation can involve some additional questions, particularly if you are an international family.
Perhaps Spanish is not your first language. Maybe you are unfamiliar with the healthcare system or you are not sure what different hospitals offer. You may also be wondering what you can ask for or what your options are during labour.
Understanding these things before labour begins can make the experience feel less unfamiliar and help you feel more confident navigating your care.
For international families, preparing for birth is not only about thinking about the type of birth you would like. It is also about understanding where you are giving birth, what support is available to you and how you can feel more confident navigating the healthcare system.
You Can Prepare Without Knowing Exactly What Will Happen
My two births were completely different.
With my first baby, I had an epidural. I remember when the anaesthetist arrived and thinking, “You are an angel!” I was so relieved, and at that moment, that was exactly what I needed.
My second birth was completely different. I didn't really think about pain relief. There was one moment when the contractions became incredibly intense and I told my doula, “I’m not sure I can do this.” Then something shifted and my body took over.
Two completely different births. The same woman.
That experience is one of the reasons I believe so strongly in preparing for birth while leaving room for the unexpected. You can prepare, learn, ask questions and have clear preferences, but you cannot predict exactly what birth will bring.
You do not need to know exactly how your birth will unfold. You need to understand your options and feel supported enough to make decisions as things unfold.
Need Support Preparing for Birth?
✨ Pregnant in Spain and want to feel more confident about birth, feeding, newborn sleep and those first weeks with your baby?
Join my Birth & Baby Antenatal Workshop, a four week workshop for expat couples starting 13 October 2026.
✨ Online: for expat couples across Spain✨ Hybrid: online and in person in Barcelona
Get the knowledge and preparation you need to feel more confident about becoming a parent.
With love,
Anna
Doula · Lactation Consultant · Gentle Sleep Coach
Supporting Expat Families in Spain
