The Hidden Toll of Sleep Deprivation on New Mothers: Gentle Support for Expat Families in Barcelona
- annarochdeus
- Jan 16
- 5 min read
Sleep deprivation is often spoken about quietly, almost as if it were something we should simply endure. Yet its impact on new mothers is profound, far-reaching, and deeply underestimated. Historically, sleep deprivation has even been recognised as a form of psychological stress or torture, used to break down emotional resilience and mental clarity.
When someone is deprived of sleep for prolonged periods, their ability to regulate emotions, think clearly, and cope with everyday challenges becomes compromised.
For many new mothers, particularly during the first year of their baby’s life, this experience can feel alarmingly familiar.
Night after night of broken sleep, feeding, soothing, worrying, and restarting the cycle again can leave mothers feeling depleted in a way that goes far beyond ordinary tiredness. It is not weakness. It is biology, nervous system overload, and the reality of caring for a highly dependent human being without enough rest.
Motherhood Without the Village
In the past, mothers rarely navigated this stage alone. They lived within extended families or close-knit communities where care was shared. There were other adults to hold the baby, prepare meals, take over for a few hours, or simply sit nearby and offer reassurance. Rest was woven into the rhythm of daily life.
Today, many families, especially expat families, experience parenthood in isolation.
Living far from extended family, navigating a new culture, and often managing language barriers, many parents find themselves carrying the full weight of caregiving on their own. Nights can feel endless when there is no one to step in, no familiar support system, and no opportunity to truly switch off.
This isolation is compounded by modern pressures: social media comparisons, conflicting advice, and the belief that there is a “right” way to do sleep, feeding, and parenting. For many mothers, this creates a sense that they must endure exhaustion silently while striving to meet unrealistic expectations.
The Pressure to “Do Sleep Right”
Many mothers feel pressured, explicitly or implicitly, to follow strict sleep routines from very early on. Advice to place babies in cots, encourage independent sleep, limit night feeds, or follow rigid schedules can create tension between instinct and expectation.
When reality does not match the idealised version of baby sleep, mothers often internalise blame.
The result is not simply tiredness, but a deep and cumulative exhaustion that affects emotional wellbeing, confidence, and physical health. Decision-making becomes harder. Patience feels thinner. Even simple tasks can feel overwhelming.
For many families, the first year becomes a cycle of night waking, feeding, resettling, and trying to recover during the day, often without enough rest to truly restore the body and mind.
How to Survive the First Year Without Losing Yourself
There is no single solution that fits every family. However, there are gentle, realistic approaches that can help protect maternal wellbeing while honouring a baby’s needs.
Prioritise One Solid Stretch of Sleep
Even four or five hours of uninterrupted sleep can make a remarkable difference to a mother’s emotional and physical resilience. While this may not happen every night, aiming for one longer stretch can help the nervous system reset.
If night feeds are needed, consider ways to minimise full awakenings. For example, a partner can bring the baby to you for feeding and then resettle them afterwards. Staying comfortable and half-asleep rather than fully waking can significantly reduce exhaustion over time.
This is not about perfection, it is about sustainability.
Co-sleep Safely If It Works for Your Family
Research and lived experience both show that parents who practise safe co-sleeping often achieve more rest than those who fully wake to pick up and resettle their baby multiple times a night.
When practiced following established safety guidelines, co-sleeping can support:
Easier night feeds
More frequent rest for mothers
Strong bonding and emotional security
It is important to say clearly: co-sleeping is a valid choice, not a failure. Each family must decide what feels safest and most supportive for them, without fear or judgement.
Transition Gradually, When Your Baby Is Ready
As babies grow and develop, their sleep patterns naturally change. For some families, this is the moment to gently transition towards cot sleep or explore gentle sleep coaching approaches.
The key is timing and approach.
Transitions should feel supportive rather than stressful. Moving at a pace that suits your baby’s developmental stage and your family’s emotional capacity helps avoid unnecessary tears, guilt, or overwhelm.
Gentle sleep coaching is not about forcing independence, it is about supporting regulation, connection, and gradual change.
Remember: This Phase Is Temporary
Sleep deprivation can feel endless when you are in the middle of it. Nights blur together, and it can be difficult to imagine a time when sleep feels normal again.
Yet for most families, sleep naturally begins to consolidate after the first year. Longer stretches emerge. Night waking decreases. The body slowly recovers.
Holding onto the knowledge that this phase is temporary can offer emotional relief, even when nights are still challenging.
The Emotional and Mental Impact of Sleep Deprivation
Prolonged lack of sleep affects far more than energy levels. Many mothers describe feeling as though they are “not themselves” anymore. Overthinking, emotional sensitivity, mood swings, anxiety, and symptoms associated with depression are common responses to chronic exhaustion.
These experiences do not mean something is wrong with you.
They are normal reactions to an intensely demanding stage of life combined with insufficient rest.
Acknowledging how hard this is rather than minimising it, is a powerful first step. Giving yourself permission to rest whenever possible, to ask for help, and to let go of unrealistic expectations can be deeply protective for your mental health.
Support during this time is not a luxury; it is essential.
There Is No One-Size-Fits-All Baby
Every baby is unique. Some sleep for longer stretches early on, while others wake frequently well into toddlerhood. Temperament, feeding patterns, development, and family circumstances all play a role.
Comparing your baby or yourself to others often creates unnecessary pressure and self-doubt.
Surviving the first year of parenthood is an extraordinary achievement in itself. The goal is not perfection. It is to protect your wellbeing while nurturing your baby with responsiveness and care.
A gentle reminder: prioritising your sleep is not indulgent, it is foundational. A better-rested parent is more present, calmer, and emotionally available, which benefits both mother and child.
Gentle Support for Expat Families in Barcelona
If you are an expat parent in Barcelona and finding sleep deprivation overwhelming, you do not have to navigate this alone.
My work as a doula, lactation consultant, and gentle sleep coach is rooted in compassion, evidence-based guidance, and continuity of care. I support families through pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, and sleep with a holistic approach that honours both baby and parent.
Together, we can explore:
Gentle sleep strategies aligned with your values
Feeding support that protects maternal rest
Practical solutions for night-time overwhelm
Emotional reassurance during a vulnerable stage
These early months are intense, but they can also be deeply enriching when you feel supported and understood.
✨ Book a Free Consultation to explore personalised support and discover gentle strategies that truly fit your family.
Anna
Doula · Lactation Consultant · Gentle Sleep Coach
Supporting Expat Families in Spain
