Trust the Flow: Understanding Newborn Sleep and the Path to Gentle Rhythms

annarochdeus
Jun 20
7 min read

Bringing a newborn into the world is one of the most transformative experiences life can offer.

Those early days, rich with emotion, intensity, and vulnerability, are a beautiful whirlwind of cuddles, cries, feeding, nappies, and… sleep. Or rather, the lack of it. If you’re holding your tiny baby right now, wondering when the fog will lift, when you might sleep longer than two hours at a time, or whether you’re doing things "right," I invite you to take a deep breath. You are not alone, and you are not doing anything wrong.

In this blog post, I’d love to take you gently through the world of newborn sleep: what’s typical, what’s developmentally appropriate, and why the best approach in these early months is to surrender to the flow, while staying attuned to your baby’s sleep windows. We'll also explore why trying to impose a rigid schedule too early can add unnecessary stress and confusion, and how, in time, rhythms will emerge naturally, usually around the five-month mark.

Let’s begin with some soothing truths.

The Nature of Newborn Sleep

Newborns are designed to sleep, just not in the way we adults do. In the first few weeks of life, babies may sleep anywhere from 14 to 18 hours a day, but this sleep is fragmented, unpredictable, and scattered across day and night. That’s because their internal body clock, the circadian rhythm, hasn’t yet developed.

Newborns don’t know the difference between day and night, and their sleep cycles are shorter than ours (lasting about 45–50 minutes), often concluding with a stir, a startle, or a full-blown wake-up. They drift through light and deep stages of sleep with a much more fragile threshold, meaning they are more easily woken and more sensitive to external changes.

This can come as a shock to new parents, especially when we are surrounded by messages about “getting baby into a routine” or “teaching them to sleep through the night.” In truth, expecting a newborn to have any kind of fixed schedule is unrealistic and unfair. What they truly need is presence, flexibility, and responsiveness.

Why Following the Flow Matters

During the fourth trimester, those first three months outside the womb, your baby is adjusting to the world, and you are adjusting to them. Sleep is a crucial part of this adaptation, but it's important to remember that babies aren’t machines. They don’t come with an in-built schedule, and they don’t yet have the neurological capacity to follow one.

Trying to impose a rigid routine too soon can result in more stress, not less. It often leads parents to question themselves, to doubt their instincts, and to misread their baby’s cues in the pursuit of a “perfect” day or night. Instead, what babies need in this time is what many sleep specialists refer to as responsive care. That means observing your baby’s unique rhythms, learning their sleepy cues, and gently guiding them without trying to control them.

Flow-based parenting isn’t passive, it’s deeply intentional. It’s about being attuned, connected, and flexible. And when it comes to sleep, this approach offers a foundation of security and trust that will benefit your baby for years to come.

The Power of Sleep Windows

Now, even though schedules aren't suitable for young babies, there is something helpful and respectful you can pay attention to: sleep windows.

Sleep windows are the periods of time that a baby can typically stay awake before becoming overtired. These windows vary with age and can shift from day to day, but they give us a gentle guide for when to offer sleep, not based on the clock, but based on your baby’s biology.

In the first few weeks of life, a baby might only manage 45 minutes to an hour of awake time before needing to sleep again. As they grow, their sleep windows gradually expand. By around three months, some babies can stay awake for up to 90 minutes, sometimes a little more. But every baby is different.

When a baby stays awake past their optimal sleep window, they can become overtired, making it harder to settle and stay asleep. Their little bodies begin producing cortisol (the stress hormone), which can create a second wind, leading to more fussiness, shorter naps, and more frequent night wakings.

Recognising and respecting your baby’s natural sleep windows allows you to offer rest before they become too tired, helping to reduce crying and make sleep more restorative.

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Feeling overwhelmed by newborn sleep? Join me this Monday at 1pm for my live online workshop “Get Sleep Ready for Your Newborn”.

We'll explore how to understand sleep windows, support gentle rhythms, and respond to your baby's needs with confidence and calm.

Perfect for expecting parents and those in the first 3 months postpartum.

Spots are limited — reserve yours today!

Common Signs of Sleep Readiness

Every baby has their own “language” of cues, but here are some common signs that a newborn is ready for sleep:

Yawning
Staring into space or avoiding eye contact
Rubbing eyes or ears
Slowing down or becoming still
Fussing or whining
Jerky movements or clenched fists

The key is to catch these signs early, at the first or second yawn, rather than waiting for full-blown crying. Offering a quiet space, a cuddle, or a feed at this point often leads to a smoother transition to sleep.

So, Should I Have Any Routine?

In the newborn stage, rather than a rigid routine, I suggest thinking in terms of a gentle rhythm, a flexible pattern that repeats throughout the day, like:

Feed – Awake time – Sleep – Repeat

This is sometimes called the "EASY" routine (Eat, Activity, Sleep, You time). It’s not about strict timings, but about creating a familiar order of events that gives your baby some predictability while still allowing for their ever-changing needs.

This kind of rhythm can also support you as a parent, it brings a sense of structure without the pressure of a clock, and it can gently pave the way towards more consistent patterns later on.

When Do Schedules Start to Emerge?

Around the four-to-five-month mark, many babies begin to show more predictable sleep patterns. Their circadian rhythm is maturing, their sleep cycles are lengthening slightly, and they may start to follow a more regular nap structure. This is when you might begin to see the first signs of a day routine falling into place.

However, this transition isn't something that happens overnight. And it doesn’t mean you need to enforce a strict timetable. Rather, it's an opportunity to support your baby in establishing more consistent rhythms, by continuing to respond to their cues, offering sleep at biologically appropriate times, and starting to introduce day–night cues (like dimming lights in the evening, fresh air during the day, and consistent bedtime routines).

At this age, babies also begin to consolidate their night sleep and can start connecting sleep cycles, although it's perfectly normal for babies to continue waking for feeds at night for many more months.

The Danger of Comparison

It’s worth pausing here to acknowledge something that causes many new parents stress: comparison.

In this digital age, we are flooded with images of sleeping babies, with hashtags like #7to7 and #sleepthroughthenight. It can be easy to feel like you’re the only one whose baby wakes every two hours or who only naps on your chest.

Please remember: every baby is different. And so is every family.

Some babies are more sensitive sleepers. Some have reflux or colic or were born early. Some need more help to settle, and some thrive on movement or close contact. All of this is normal. There is no gold standard for how your baby “should” sleep, only what works for you and your baby.

How to Support Yourself in the Process

While understanding your baby’s sleep is vital, it’s just as important to care for yourself. The newborn phase can be exhausting, and lack of sleep can have a profound effect on your mood, your confidence, and your overall wellbeing.

Here are some gentle reminders:

Rest when you can: Even short rest periods help. Let go of guilt around “not being productive.” You are already doing the most important job of all.
Ask for help: If someone offers to hold the baby while you nap or brings you food, say yes. You weren’t meant to do this alone.
Create small rituals: A cup of tea after a nap, a warm shower in the evening, or five minutes of mindful breathing can anchor you in the midst of the chaos.
Connect with other parents: Whether in person or online, having a space to share, cry, laugh, and be real makes all the difference.

A Word on Sleep Coaching

Many families ask me when sleep coaching should begin, or whether they should start early to "avoid bad habits." My approach is always rooted in responsiveness, attachment, and respect for your baby’s developmental stage.

In the first few months, sleep coaching (especially any method that involves leaving your baby to cry without comfort) is not appropriate. Your baby is not capable of manipulation they are communicating needs, not wants. You cannot “spoil” a newborn by holding, feeding, rocking, or responding to their cries.

When the time is right, often after five/six months, some babies may benefit from gentle sleep coaching techniques that involve gradual adjustments and lots of support. But until then, your job is to nurture, respond, and trust the process.

The Beauty of Slowing Down

So much of modern parenting is about doing more, faster, earlier. But the newborn period invites us to slow down, to be present, to listen, and to connect. Sleep is not a task to be conquered; it is a relationship that unfolds, a dance between biology and love.

By following your baby’s cues, watching sleep windows, and allowing routines to emerge in their own time, you’re not just supporting better sleep, you’re building trust. You’re teaching your baby that the world is a safe, responsive place. And that is the foundation of all healthy sleep to come.

Final Thoughts

To all the parents navigating the night feeds, the nap battles, the endless bouncing on the yoga ball, I see you. You are doing something extraordinary. These days are intense and fleeting, and your baby doesn’t need perfection. They need you, just as you are: loving, learning, and showing up.